God 

Feeling marooned in the desert 

of my schizophrenic heap 

I crumbled down to the earth  

I lit up the herbs around me 

and inhaled deep 

Feeling battered by my sins 

I absorbed the solitude and darkness 

I absorbed the spirit of the fire 

with ferocity, with haste  

craving to get higher  

The answer slowly came to me 

it was the wildest mirage ever  

the hole inside my soul 

my sick desire for love 

my yearning for control 

I could have it all 

I would be the sadist and the masochist 

I would claim the absolute truth 

in a kingdom full of fantasies 

where love and war will mingle smooth  

I would sacrifice my body  

to save me from myself 

and purify my vileness 

and redemption will arrive  

But I woke up 

and it was only smoke.

Ulysses A.